The Only Thing Certain is Uncertainty

 I don't have chaos in my life strictly so I can make other people's lives better but sometimes, on the journey, I discover things that are worth sharing.  

These are two nifty coping skills, that I'm loving right now.  Typically, my coping skills have run toward fudge brownie chocolate chip cookies or shopping the clearance rack but these ideas are free from health or financial challenges.  

I know that I struggle when I absolutely think that I know what comes next.  Some of the stuff that's most likely coming up is downright terrifying. A spouse with dementia is uncharted and frightening territory. But I have no doubt that unexpected blessings are forthcoming as well.  The key is to lean in, embrace that chaos.  Release my attachments both good and bad and admit that I have only uncertainty and that is okay.

The first coping skill is a comparison game.  While I'm definitely not a fan of comparing ourselves to other people this one involves comparing ourselves to ourselves.  The other day, I was thinking about where I was one year ago.  The pandemic has been strange for everyone and I feel like a lot of people are doing this one year retrospection thing right now.  

Slightly more than a year ago, I had a stable job that I liked and I was good at.  When the childcare center I worked at closed down. along with a lot of the rest of my state, I was in a panic.  I was able to collect unemployment so money was actually okay but I did not know what to do with myself.  I took classes, tackled home improvement projects and generally beat myself up for not doing enough even though I made sure I was busy every single day.  I became depressed.  I did some counseling via telehealth.  I can say without irony that in some ways I am grateful for the pandemic because it was an opportunity to learn so much about myself.

Eventually, I decided not to return to said stable, full time job.  I decided to try digital marketing and began to build an online resale business.  I went back year by year and looked at this time.  When I got as far back as seven years (which is just really like a nanosecond as far as the time of the universe is concerned) life was almost unrecognizable.  I had an entirely different job in a different industry and a different place.  I lived somewhere else.  My kids were still in high school.  There were books I hadn't written and friends I hadn't met.  

If my life looked that different not even a decade ago, I reminded myself that I have absolutely no idea what it will look like a few years from now.  Somehow, this is reassuring instead of upsetting.  For me, it seems far more distressing to think I know what happens next.  

The second coping skill is similar.  I've affectionately named it "The Big List of Things I Didn't See Coming".  It's  a long list!  It includes several jobs, book ideas, living situations and pretty much every time I've fallen in love.  Now, when I think of something which surprised me, I think, "wow, let's add that to the big list of things I didn't see coming!"  When I'm struggling and feeling uncertain, I can look at the list and again remind myself that I don't have any clue what happens next.  I have no track record of being able to predict the next thing.

It's surprisingly comforting to embrace the uncertainty.  When I can release my attachments and accept that I truly do not know what happens next I feel a lot better than when I assume that I know.  Weird right?  We cling very tightly to the things we know even when those things may no longer ber serving us.  Lean in. Embrace the Kraken.  Enjoy the ride.