I'm Am Done Doing The "Good Girl" Things

 I am done doing the good girl things.  I have done them all my life but I have decided that they are no longer serving me.  This is not to say that I plan on embracing mean-spiritedness or pettiness.  It does not mean that I will cease to be kind or compassionate or abandon my code of ethics, although it should be noted that my code of ethics is highly personal, and wasn't necessarily bestowed on me by any outside sources.

No, when I say the "good girl things", I'm talking about the things people of a certain age (or any age for that matter) are supposed to do.  I've always been on the unconventional side.  My friends, my husband and my mother will all tell you (and frequently tell me) that I am not like most people.  I'm not 100% sure I believe it, I mean I feel like I'm just an average person but I'm also totally okay with being different too. Still, I've done plenty of conventional things.  I married a nice guy.  I had a couple of kids.  I worked hard in school  and I've had a traditional "job" since I was sixteen years old.  Oft times more than one.

But I'm am ditching the "supposed to's" .  I fully reject any judgement of me.  It doesn't signify.  It's not relevant and truthfully, it never has been. If you're feeling inspired to be judge-y, you are welcome to keep those thought to your self. Judgement is God's wheelhouse and if I'm headed in the wrong direction, I'll happily accept a gentle course correction from Her.  Everybody else can stuff it.  This is not a midlife crisis.  This a refusal to accept other people's parameters and a ditching of my own limiting beliefs.

Dye my hair blue? Quite possibly.  Smoke pot?  Possibly.  Give up the 9-5 hamster wheel and start my own business? It's about time. Love whomever I please with all of the ferocity and extravagance I can muster up? Yes, please. Mini skirts? Long distance running?   Art for art's sake? Tackling only the writing projects that interest me or make my heart happy? Paint a labyrinth in my backyard?  I am open and receptive to all possibilities.  People can say I can't or I shouldn't or whatever they like but as long as it doesn't harm anyone, I plan on doing whatever I want. 

The second half of my life is going to require different strategies than the first half.  Doing the same "good girl" stuff I've always done isn't going to work. Survive, adapt and conquer as my youngest son is fond of saying.  I am working on releasing my own expectations and I'll be darned if I'm going to abide by anyone else's arbitrary guidelines for living my life.  

Many things in my life during the last several years have been completely unexpected.  Why then should I do the things which are "expected" of me?  There isn't going to be a "kids leave home and my husband and I happily retire/travel the world" scenario.  I'm on a different path.  I am hacking the underbrush of challenges away with a proverbial machete.  It isn't comfortable but I can damn well make it interesting.  

Safety and security are things you can't really ever pin down, so why chase them?  Instead, I am all about living my life and embracing joy wherever I can find it. This is radical self love and self care. I'll say it louder for the people in the back...I am done doing the good girl things.