I'd Like A New Success Yardstick, Please
It's that time of year again. People are writing those holiday letters which show their families as perfect and unblemished. If there is struggle or strife (and I believe there is always some level of struggle or strife, even when things appear to be going swimmingly) it's certainly not apparent in these letters.
I recently received an email from a high school friend in a similar vein. His boys are slightly younger than mine. They are excelling at sports. They are flourishing in their private schools. They are looking at colleges. My friend said, "Be sure and tell me all about how your kids are doing, when you email back."
I can and I will tell him about my guys but it won't look like success to my friend. My sons played sports when they were younger but never loved anything enough to pursue it seriously. Currently, neither is in college. And while I am living proof that it's never too late to go, I'm not sure that either one of them ever will. (For the record, I am okay with this. If they want to go, I will absolutely be their cheerleader and help them in any way I can. But college is not a good fit for everyone and I say kudos to the person who realizes it's not their cup of tea before going deeply into debt.) They are working and living at home. They "chill" with people. They, like everyone,are just trying to figure out what to do next.
I guarantee, that lots of people, including probably my friend, would just see slackers. After all, where are they going? What are they doing with their lives? But I am proud of them. They aren't out winning award or accolades. The things which make me a proud mama have nothing whatsoever to do with how the world typically judges success. But...
They visit their grandparents, including my dad who is in the nursing home with dementia. They take care of each other. They take care of their friends. Those people they "chill" with? They're an incredibly loyal and devoted friend group. They've been hanging out at our house for years. Some of them now call me "mom". My guys are the very first people to stand up for the underdog. They are unfailingly polite to grocery baggers, retail clerks and wait staff. They are kind.
There's a homeless guy who is often seen around the convenience store by our house. "Oh yeah," my 19-year-old said, matter of factly, "That's John." Not only has he bothered to find out the man's name, he has had several conversations with him and one more than one occasion, bought the man a meal. This is how my sons are. They care about people. They take care of people. They are never going to win a trophy for it.
Mary Anne Radmacher said, "There is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world." Maybe success should be less about the things we do and more about how we go about doing those things. Even the small, seemingly insignificant things can matter and create a ripple effect we cannot even imagine. Often, though, these stories don't make it into our Christmas letters or onto our Facebook pages. But I think they matter.
So, my friend, let me tell you how my kids are doing.
I recently received an email from a high school friend in a similar vein. His boys are slightly younger than mine. They are excelling at sports. They are flourishing in their private schools. They are looking at colleges. My friend said, "Be sure and tell me all about how your kids are doing, when you email back."
I can and I will tell him about my guys but it won't look like success to my friend. My sons played sports when they were younger but never loved anything enough to pursue it seriously. Currently, neither is in college. And while I am living proof that it's never too late to go, I'm not sure that either one of them ever will. (For the record, I am okay with this. If they want to go, I will absolutely be their cheerleader and help them in any way I can. But college is not a good fit for everyone and I say kudos to the person who realizes it's not their cup of tea before going deeply into debt.) They are working and living at home. They "chill" with people. They, like everyone,are just trying to figure out what to do next.
I guarantee, that lots of people, including probably my friend, would just see slackers. After all, where are they going? What are they doing with their lives? But I am proud of them. They aren't out winning award or accolades. The things which make me a proud mama have nothing whatsoever to do with how the world typically judges success. But...
They visit their grandparents, including my dad who is in the nursing home with dementia. They take care of each other. They take care of their friends. Those people they "chill" with? They're an incredibly loyal and devoted friend group. They've been hanging out at our house for years. Some of them now call me "mom". My guys are the very first people to stand up for the underdog. They are unfailingly polite to grocery baggers, retail clerks and wait staff. They are kind.
There's a homeless guy who is often seen around the convenience store by our house. "Oh yeah," my 19-year-old said, matter of factly, "That's John." Not only has he bothered to find out the man's name, he has had several conversations with him and one more than one occasion, bought the man a meal. This is how my sons are. They care about people. They take care of people. They are never going to win a trophy for it.
Mary Anne Radmacher said, "There is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world." Maybe success should be less about the things we do and more about how we go about doing those things. Even the small, seemingly insignificant things can matter and create a ripple effect we cannot even imagine. Often, though, these stories don't make it into our Christmas letters or onto our Facebook pages. But I think they matter.
So, my friend, let me tell you how my kids are doing.
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