Waiting For Vizzini, the Beatles and Before
The Princess Bride is one of my favorite movies of all time. Toward the end of the movie, a drunken Inigo Montoya says he is waiting for Vizzini. Far less existential than waiting for Godot, Montoya says that Vizzini (ostensibly a mastermind) told him if the plan went wrong, he should go back to the beginning and wait. And wait he does, even though Vizzini, a victim of his own logic, has been poisoned.
Anyway, my life has gone from chaotic to way beyond chaotic lately. (More on this in future blog posts, I promise). It's got me thinking about going back to the beginning and the Beatles which are close enough to the beginning for my purposes.
When I was thirteen, I had a crush on a boy in my youth group named Jay. He was three years older than me, irreverent, sarcastic and hilarious. I can barely remember what he looked like but it wasn't his looks that got me. He was funny and smart. We were each supposed to bring a poem to read on a camping tip we took. Jay had forgotten his poem or just not bothered to bring one. He made up an elaborate story about it flying out the car window on the drive to the campsite. The way he told it, made it sound like the funniest story I had ever heard.
I didn't tell anyone my feelings. My best friend at the time would have not approved. I don't think she was opposed to boys necessarily but crushes and the girls who had them were silly and frivolous to her. I did not want to been seen as silly and frivolous so I kept it to myself.
Jay and his best friend were all about the Beatles at the time. And since I was all about Jay, in that moment, I decided to give the Beatles a listen. The band had long since broken up by the time I was thirteen. I was aware of them, of course. I knew a few of their songs but because Jay loved them, I really started to listen.
I liked Jay a lot but I fell in love with the Beatles. I didn't tell my best friend about that crush either. Again, she would not have approved. I think she didn't even like music and how I ever became friends with someone who didn't like music is completely beyond me! (As a side note, she broke up with me in a spectacular and heartbreaking way a couple of years later and she did me a huge favor, I started to become my own person instead of the person she wanted me to be and it was a beautiful thing.)
I have continued to love the Beatles. I have never outgrown them. They are part of how I see myself. Oh, me? Yeah, I'm a free spirit, I love to read and write. I love flamingos and the Beatles. Flash forward to now. Thinking about Inigo Montoya and all of the chaos in my life and going back to the beginning. It's got me revisiting the entire Beatle's catalog. Because they were "before".
Before I loved anyone outside my family. Before I had ever experienced any significant losses in my life. Before I found my real, true, lifelong friends who didn't disapprove of me. Before I had a job or children or a marriage. Before cell phones and the internet and before I ever owned a dog.
When all is chaos, sometimes it's nice to visit "before". To go back to the beginning. To understand that while change is inevitable, some things do remain. That love can and frequently does endure. And while the Beatles are before, they are also after. 50 year old me, wiser, stronger, more courageous than I could have ever imagined, loves them as much as awkward, shy, goofy thirteen year old me did. When it feels as though the entire world has been upended, that continuity is lovely. So I will go back to the beginning. I will wait for Vizzini. And I will listen to the Beatles.
Anyway, my life has gone from chaotic to way beyond chaotic lately. (More on this in future blog posts, I promise). It's got me thinking about going back to the beginning and the Beatles which are close enough to the beginning for my purposes.
When I was thirteen, I had a crush on a boy in my youth group named Jay. He was three years older than me, irreverent, sarcastic and hilarious. I can barely remember what he looked like but it wasn't his looks that got me. He was funny and smart. We were each supposed to bring a poem to read on a camping tip we took. Jay had forgotten his poem or just not bothered to bring one. He made up an elaborate story about it flying out the car window on the drive to the campsite. The way he told it, made it sound like the funniest story I had ever heard.
I didn't tell anyone my feelings. My best friend at the time would have not approved. I don't think she was opposed to boys necessarily but crushes and the girls who had them were silly and frivolous to her. I did not want to been seen as silly and frivolous so I kept it to myself.
Jay and his best friend were all about the Beatles at the time. And since I was all about Jay, in that moment, I decided to give the Beatles a listen. The band had long since broken up by the time I was thirteen. I was aware of them, of course. I knew a few of their songs but because Jay loved them, I really started to listen.
I liked Jay a lot but I fell in love with the Beatles. I didn't tell my best friend about that crush either. Again, she would not have approved. I think she didn't even like music and how I ever became friends with someone who didn't like music is completely beyond me! (As a side note, she broke up with me in a spectacular and heartbreaking way a couple of years later and she did me a huge favor, I started to become my own person instead of the person she wanted me to be and it was a beautiful thing.)
I have continued to love the Beatles. I have never outgrown them. They are part of how I see myself. Oh, me? Yeah, I'm a free spirit, I love to read and write. I love flamingos and the Beatles. Flash forward to now. Thinking about Inigo Montoya and all of the chaos in my life and going back to the beginning. It's got me revisiting the entire Beatle's catalog. Because they were "before".
Before I loved anyone outside my family. Before I had ever experienced any significant losses in my life. Before I found my real, true, lifelong friends who didn't disapprove of me. Before I had a job or children or a marriage. Before cell phones and the internet and before I ever owned a dog.
When all is chaos, sometimes it's nice to visit "before". To go back to the beginning. To understand that while change is inevitable, some things do remain. That love can and frequently does endure. And while the Beatles are before, they are also after. 50 year old me, wiser, stronger, more courageous than I could have ever imagined, loves them as much as awkward, shy, goofy thirteen year old me did. When it feels as though the entire world has been upended, that continuity is lovely. So I will go back to the beginning. I will wait for Vizzini. And I will listen to the Beatles.
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