4am and Marjoram

I am temporarily unemployed through no fault of my own.  I find it demoralizing  nonetheless.  Still, I realize that I am probably guilty of using busyness to not deal with life sometimes.  At the moment, there's a lot to deal with.   So I am attempting to make the best of my unexpected (and sadly unpaid) vacation. I  woke up the other day with this thought: I need to examine and re-evaluate every single thing I own.  EVERY. SINGLE. THING.

This is not the superficial, "I'm going to tidy up the stuff that shows."  This is more of a "if I could get a handle on my stuff, then maybe I could get a handle on my "stuff".  If I can let go of the physical things, perhaps I can jettison some of the habits, emotions and perspectives which are no longer serving me as well.

This means poking into dark corners which is both compelling and terrifying.  So, I'm working on my house.  I  begin by tackling an area which obviously needs attention. When my motivation wanes and I've gone from organizing/purging to shuffling and shifting, I know it's time to look in some long unseen drawer or storage bin or box.  This shifts my energy.  It's sometimes also amusing or perplexing which helps to hold my attention.

For example, a few days ago, I delved into a drawer in the upstairs bathroom.  It's been at least a decade since anyone opened this drawer.  It contained the curling iron I used in college, ovulation predictors and Pokemon cards.  (Because, obviously, these are things which belong together!)  All three went into the trash.

This morning, I was awake at 330am and unable to go back to sleep.  By 4am, I was listening to the Beatles and looking at the spice cabinet. A lot of stuff got tossed. Beef bullion from 2011, anyone?  News flash-I own marjoram.  Almost five decades on the planet and I can tell you that I don't even know what marjoram is. no less what sort of recipe I would use it in.  This is the crux of the problem.  If you don't even know what you have or why you have it, how can you possibly utilize it to live your best life?

Who even knows what's lurking in these dark, seldom examined spaces?  And I absolutely believe that there is a  corollary between these cluttered places in my house and my current mental clutter.

Stay tuned, my friends.  It's likely to get bumpy.