What Even IS All This Stuff?

I got home the other night and looked around my house in dismay.  Usually, I just walk past my junk and clutter.  I don't even see it any more, which isn't a good thing.  Anyway, I looked around, and not only did I really see it, a lot of it was unrecognizable to me.  I mean it's all my stuff (or family stuff).  It's not like there were items I'd never seen before, but a lot of it didn't seem to have any meaning.  Why do I own this?  Why did I buy this? How have I not thrown this out already?

The next morning, I got up a little early and turned a critical eye on a makeshift bookshelf on a dresser in my bedroom.  This right here should tell you that there's a problem.  Why do I need books stacked in places other than my bookcases?  Because my bookcases are all full.  Everything is full and overstuffed and overflowing and not in any way that says abundance.  After years of struggle, I might finally, really be over this mess.

When I was done with that little pile on the dresser, a dozen books were headed for the thrift store, a belly dance workout videotape had been tossed along with a broken flashlight.  I went downstairs to get ready for work and threw out a broken watch and some makeup I bought and didn't like.

If you've read this blog or have known me for any length of time, you're probably thinking "And?  This is nothing new.  You do this all the time.  You're always trying to organize and de-clutter."  And it's true.  It's what this blog is primarily about.  But every other time I've worked on this it was always external.  My house is a mess.  I should clean it up.  I need to get organized.  Now the focus is much more internal.  I need to sort through all these possessions if I'm ever going to get  a handle on the rest of my life.  It has nothing to do with being able to have people over and having them have a place to sit (although that would be nice).  It has nothing to do with the house looking nice for Christmas (although that would be nice too)

No, this feels a lot more personally imperative.  I wrote in my last blog about respecting the process.  I feel that this urge to purge is part of the process.  (Don't even ask what happens at the end of the process because I don't even know what it is I'm working toward.)  Right now, we'll just say that I'm becoming the best possible version of myself.  That's something we should all be working on all the time anyway.