Dear Fears: You Are Cordially Invited...
Lately, I have been totally out of sorts. I've been sad and mopey and wallowing in self pity. Not only is this something I seldom do, it's also something I can ill afford to do. I've also been anxious and worried a lot. I realize that all this is my fears trying to take control. It's time to do something totally different. It's pretty unconventional, but bear with me here. I think it's going to work.
I had a conversation, in my head, where a friend asked me about my fears and in this imaginary conversation, I just started listing them. The realistic ones. The stupid ones. The "what the heck" ones. It felt surprisingly grounding just to name them.
So, I've decided that I'm going to throw a party for my fears. We're going to hang out. Order pizza. Have a few drinks. Wait...what?! You're probably thinking "What is wrong with you, woman?" You need to get as far away from those things as you can! Run away. Run away fast.
Except that I've been trying to run away and running away doesn't seem to be particularly effective. Neither does stomping on them. It's time to do something counter intuitive (which strikes me as a fabulous name for a business which installs counter tops but isn't especially relevant to this post.)
When my fears come over for this epic party, I'm going to look each one in the eye and I'm going to ask them questions. What are you trying to teach me? Where am I stuck? What do I need to learn? How can I stay in the present? How can I do better? How can I break out of old patterns and release stuff that isn't serving me anymore? And then, I'm going to embrace each of them, thank them for their time and release them to the universe. (You don't have to go home but you can't stay here.)
They might return (Hey! Is there any pizza leftover?) and that's okay. I'll check in with them again and ask the questions again. It's all good.
Neither self pity nor paralyzing anxiety is going to help move me forward in life. And I really want to keep moving forward.
So fears, come one over. We'll play some music and dance. "I might be a bad mom" can hang out with "How will I fix the furnace?" "How can I pay my bills?" can have a great existential talk with "how can I make the world a better place?" and "am I really a good person". And I will flit through, drink in hand, making sure I get to talk to each of you.
I had a conversation, in my head, where a friend asked me about my fears and in this imaginary conversation, I just started listing them. The realistic ones. The stupid ones. The "what the heck" ones. It felt surprisingly grounding just to name them.
So, I've decided that I'm going to throw a party for my fears. We're going to hang out. Order pizza. Have a few drinks. Wait...what?! You're probably thinking "What is wrong with you, woman?" You need to get as far away from those things as you can! Run away. Run away fast.
Except that I've been trying to run away and running away doesn't seem to be particularly effective. Neither does stomping on them. It's time to do something counter intuitive (which strikes me as a fabulous name for a business which installs counter tops but isn't especially relevant to this post.)
When my fears come over for this epic party, I'm going to look each one in the eye and I'm going to ask them questions. What are you trying to teach me? Where am I stuck? What do I need to learn? How can I stay in the present? How can I do better? How can I break out of old patterns and release stuff that isn't serving me anymore? And then, I'm going to embrace each of them, thank them for their time and release them to the universe. (You don't have to go home but you can't stay here.)
They might return (Hey! Is there any pizza leftover?) and that's okay. I'll check in with them again and ask the questions again. It's all good.
Neither self pity nor paralyzing anxiety is going to help move me forward in life. And I really want to keep moving forward.
So fears, come one over. We'll play some music and dance. "I might be a bad mom" can hang out with "How will I fix the furnace?" "How can I pay my bills?" can have a great existential talk with "how can I make the world a better place?" and "am I really a good person". And I will flit through, drink in hand, making sure I get to talk to each of you.
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