The Blue Mascara Conundrum or Forces of Chaos Returns To Its Roots
It's been a long time since I gave Forces of Chaos any attention. Feeling overwhelmed by your life is no reason to abandon your blog. Please accept my apologies. I'm pretty sure I'll actually feel a little less overwhelmed if I can just get a handle on some stuff and a handle on my stuff.
When I began this blog it was primarily about my uneasy relationship with clutter. Then, I sort of branched out and wrote about other stuff too, which is okay. But I think it's time to go back to stuff, at least for a while.
I've begun to feel almost embarrassed by the amount of stuff I own. I'm wondering what I can do about it. You're thinking, it's not complicated, just get rid of things. Recycle, donate, toss. It's not that hard, really. Although for me, it is. It causes me anxiety to get rid of things. Why does my stuff elicit such emotional reactions?
I've never thought of myself as a materialist. I love yard sales, the thrift store and the clearance rack. I always figured your stuff really had to be worth a lot of money for a person to be really materialistic. Now, I'm not so sure. So, I'm trying to re-evaluate my definitions of what I need or even what I want. And this is how I do this. Publicly and in writing.
Pondering all of this in the bathroom the other day, I realized that I have a tube of blue mascara. It was a total impulse buy. I haven't used it at all since I bought it six months ago. I actually seldom ever wear mascara at all. I'm not sure that I could rock blue mascara now anyway and I'm not sure that I ever did.
But the first time I owned a tube of blue mascara, I was in college. I was living in an apartment with roommates I was secretary of the psychology club which I thought was a big deal (although it probably wasn't). I was working hard, doing well in school and dating three different guys. (To my credit, I was totally honest and they all knew about one another. Each one thought the other two were losers and sadly,I later realized that they were all right but that's a story for another time.)
I had drama in my life then, true. My inexperienced 20-year-old self thought that drama was pretty significant. But in retrospect, it doesn't really seem like so much. Compared with repeated miscarriages, losing a child, parenting teenagers, being married for a long time, job loss and other perils of adulthood, my young adult drama seems a lot less dramatic.
I'm not buying into the whole "you can't wear certain makeup (or clothes for that matter) after 40. I'm a big believer in wear whatever you want. If you like the way it looks, just do it. I don't care how old (or young or fat or thin or flat-chested or well-endowed or whatever) you are. When it comes to fashion and cosmetics, if you like it, do it.
But the question is, do I really still dig blue mascara or do I just really like the idea of blue mascara? Did I (impulse) buy it because I really wanted blue mascara? I certainly didn't need blue mascara. Did I buy it because I thought I'd look fabulous with blue lashes or because buying and owning it somehow invokes feelings of a different time, when I was younger and not responsible for anyone but myself?
Don't get me wrong. I like my life. I wouldn't trade it. But it doesn't mean that I don' sometimes fondly reminisce about my younger days. Can't I do this without all this stuff, though?
When I began this blog it was primarily about my uneasy relationship with clutter. Then, I sort of branched out and wrote about other stuff too, which is okay. But I think it's time to go back to stuff, at least for a while.
I've begun to feel almost embarrassed by the amount of stuff I own. I'm wondering what I can do about it. You're thinking, it's not complicated, just get rid of things. Recycle, donate, toss. It's not that hard, really. Although for me, it is. It causes me anxiety to get rid of things. Why does my stuff elicit such emotional reactions?
I've never thought of myself as a materialist. I love yard sales, the thrift store and the clearance rack. I always figured your stuff really had to be worth a lot of money for a person to be really materialistic. Now, I'm not so sure. So, I'm trying to re-evaluate my definitions of what I need or even what I want. And this is how I do this. Publicly and in writing.
Pondering all of this in the bathroom the other day, I realized that I have a tube of blue mascara. It was a total impulse buy. I haven't used it at all since I bought it six months ago. I actually seldom ever wear mascara at all. I'm not sure that I could rock blue mascara now anyway and I'm not sure that I ever did.
But the first time I owned a tube of blue mascara, I was in college. I was living in an apartment with roommates I was secretary of the psychology club which I thought was a big deal (although it probably wasn't). I was working hard, doing well in school and dating three different guys. (To my credit, I was totally honest and they all knew about one another. Each one thought the other two were losers and sadly,I later realized that they were all right but that's a story for another time.)
I had drama in my life then, true. My inexperienced 20-year-old self thought that drama was pretty significant. But in retrospect, it doesn't really seem like so much. Compared with repeated miscarriages, losing a child, parenting teenagers, being married for a long time, job loss and other perils of adulthood, my young adult drama seems a lot less dramatic.
I'm not buying into the whole "you can't wear certain makeup (or clothes for that matter) after 40. I'm a big believer in wear whatever you want. If you like the way it looks, just do it. I don't care how old (or young or fat or thin or flat-chested or well-endowed or whatever) you are. When it comes to fashion and cosmetics, if you like it, do it.
But the question is, do I really still dig blue mascara or do I just really like the idea of blue mascara? Did I (impulse) buy it because I really wanted blue mascara? I certainly didn't need blue mascara. Did I buy it because I thought I'd look fabulous with blue lashes or because buying and owning it somehow invokes feelings of a different time, when I was younger and not responsible for anyone but myself?
Don't get me wrong. I like my life. I wouldn't trade it. But it doesn't mean that I don' sometimes fondly reminisce about my younger days. Can't I do this without all this stuff, though?
I have the hardest time getting rid of stuff. I get so emotionally attached to things. BTW you could rock the blue mascara. I rock it every once in awhile. I also rock purple and green! 💜
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