What Do We Have In Common?
I was in line at Dunkin Donuts this morning to grab an iced
coffee on my way to work. I was behind a truck which was absolutely
covered with gun enthusiast bumper stickers. One said: “Stop Crime,
Shoot Back” another said “I Don't Call 911” with a picture of an assault
rifle. There was a particularly shiny grenade sticker (no text on this
one and none needed, I suppose).
Now, firearms hold little or no interest for me. I endeavor to be respectful of people who choose to own them just as I hope they will be respectful of me for choosing not to own them. I mention this because it would have been easy for my to dismiss this vehicle. In fact, honestly, if I'd rushed by it in a parking lot, I probably would have disregarded it in a matter of seconds. Gun stickers. Okay. To Each their own. Where's my grocery list? But since I was behind this vehicle (and Dunkin Donuts was slow this morning), I got a longer look at it.
There in the corner, among all the pro-gun and military stickers was a sticker showing a baby with angel wings. There was a little boy's name and a date. Suddenly, I went from having nothing in common with the vehicle's owner, to having something huge in common with them. Clearly they had lost a baby. I had five miscarriages, then lost my daughter to severe congenital heart defects at four days old. I may not ever understand the appeal of guns but I totally understand what it's like to lose a child.
This got me thinking about all the conflict in the world. There seems to be an awful lot of it lately. Some days, I find myself avoiding the news entirely. I'm not trying to be ignorant but as an empathic person, sometimes it's just painful to watch.
So what if, in our dealings with people (especially people we find difficult) we tried first to focus on what we have in common instead of whatever issue we disagree with? I've been saying it for a long time: There is no “us and them”. There is only us. Regardless of your religious beliefs, your political ideas or any other thought you're passionate about, in many ways we are all the same. What if we could find that bit of commonality before we go off the deep end, ranting about the perceived apocalypse and those people?
Perhaps we'll have to begin globally (maybe even literally). Okay, that person who drives me crazy with their ideas/blog posts/lifestyle/haircut/love life/music/religion or whatever is also a carbon-based life form. We live on the same planet. We're both bipeds. Start big if you have to but start. Everybody has something in common, even if it's just our shared humanity (and we forget but that's kind of a big deal).
The Mid-East is in turmoil right now. Sometimes it feels like it is in perpetual turmoil, yet Muslims, Christians and Jews have some shared heritage. Would peace come a little easier if people could acknowledge this? I don't know but I sure don't think it would make things more difficult. What if you could say “Yeah my annoying co-worker/grouchy neighbor/weird Uncle Harry sure has some prejudices/crazy political opinions/awful landscaping but we do both enjoy pancakes/cheesy sci-fi movies/reggae music so they can't be all bad.”
Even if someone isn't outright making you crazy, it can be helpful to make it a point to find our common ground rather than focus on our differences first. Sometimes, we think we're being tolerant yet we're actually being dismissive. Finding our common ground lets us connect with one another when we didn't think we could or when we didn't even realize we wanted to. Those connections are valuable.
By the way, the person ahead of me this morning, at Dunkin Donuts, also ordered the exact same coffee as I did.
Now, firearms hold little or no interest for me. I endeavor to be respectful of people who choose to own them just as I hope they will be respectful of me for choosing not to own them. I mention this because it would have been easy for my to dismiss this vehicle. In fact, honestly, if I'd rushed by it in a parking lot, I probably would have disregarded it in a matter of seconds. Gun stickers. Okay. To Each their own. Where's my grocery list? But since I was behind this vehicle (and Dunkin Donuts was slow this morning), I got a longer look at it.
There in the corner, among all the pro-gun and military stickers was a sticker showing a baby with angel wings. There was a little boy's name and a date. Suddenly, I went from having nothing in common with the vehicle's owner, to having something huge in common with them. Clearly they had lost a baby. I had five miscarriages, then lost my daughter to severe congenital heart defects at four days old. I may not ever understand the appeal of guns but I totally understand what it's like to lose a child.
This got me thinking about all the conflict in the world. There seems to be an awful lot of it lately. Some days, I find myself avoiding the news entirely. I'm not trying to be ignorant but as an empathic person, sometimes it's just painful to watch.
So what if, in our dealings with people (especially people we find difficult) we tried first to focus on what we have in common instead of whatever issue we disagree with? I've been saying it for a long time: There is no “us and them”. There is only us. Regardless of your religious beliefs, your political ideas or any other thought you're passionate about, in many ways we are all the same. What if we could find that bit of commonality before we go off the deep end, ranting about the perceived apocalypse and those people?
Perhaps we'll have to begin globally (maybe even literally). Okay, that person who drives me crazy with their ideas/blog posts/lifestyle/haircut/love life/music/religion or whatever is also a carbon-based life form. We live on the same planet. We're both bipeds. Start big if you have to but start. Everybody has something in common, even if it's just our shared humanity (and we forget but that's kind of a big deal).
The Mid-East is in turmoil right now. Sometimes it feels like it is in perpetual turmoil, yet Muslims, Christians and Jews have some shared heritage. Would peace come a little easier if people could acknowledge this? I don't know but I sure don't think it would make things more difficult. What if you could say “Yeah my annoying co-worker/grouchy neighbor/weird Uncle Harry sure has some prejudices/crazy political opinions/awful landscaping but we do both enjoy pancakes/cheesy sci-fi movies/reggae music so they can't be all bad.”
Even if someone isn't outright making you crazy, it can be helpful to make it a point to find our common ground rather than focus on our differences first. Sometimes, we think we're being tolerant yet we're actually being dismissive. Finding our common ground lets us connect with one another when we didn't think we could or when we didn't even realize we wanted to. Those connections are valuable.
By the way, the person ahead of me this morning, at Dunkin Donuts, also ordered the exact same coffee as I did.
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