At Least I'm Not One of Those Fish

 Last week, my friend, co-worker and partner in crime, Julie said, "You know what?  I think we should check in at 4pm today and talk about three positive things for each of us.  I feel like I'm spiraling, and I don't like it.  I need to re-frame.  Are you in?"

Oh yeah.  I am absolutely in.  Julie and I have very different, very challenging life situations right now but there's a surprising amount of overlap there too.  We are both doggedly pushing through, doing what needs to be done and occasionally crying in our respective cars. There are a lot of other emotions there for both of us as well.  Some days, we're really riding the struggle bus.

 I always try to stay positive as does she but sometimes it's really difficult.  I do love a good challenge though. So, for most of last week, we checked in briefly in the afternoon and talked about our positives even on the days when it was hard to come up with them.  We kept one another accountable and will continue to do so.

We think that the things we say to ourselves don't matter.  They're only words, we think and besides, lots of times, we don't say them out loud, so where's the harm?  Yet I believe that our dialogue matters whether internal or external.  We're willing to say critical things to ourselves that we would never say to other people. But our words have energy.  As Mike Dooley, the author of "Notes From the Universe", says, "thoughts become things.  So, if we're really struggling and feeling down and maybe complaining or asking, "why me?" we have the potential to make things worse for ourselves.

Yesterday, I read a news article about a huge aquarium which let go in Berlin, Germany.  The catastrophic failure released hundreds of gallons of water and 1500 unfortunate fish into the lobby of the hotel where the aquarium had been installed.  Hold that thought.  We're going to circle back, I promise.

This morning, I woke up out of sorts.  I hate that.  I don't want to feel emotional before my feet even hit the floor and before nothing has even happened in the day yet.  I had bought some great protein iced coffee on Amazon.  I went to mix some up and realized that child number two had used the last of it this morning before he went to work.  So, I brewed a hot coffee only to realized that child number one had used the last of the coffee creamer before he went to work.  Compared to say world hunger, not getting my coffee the way I want it, is definitely a first world problem.  (And hey, my kids have jobs, so that's a win.) But I was already annoyed by life in general and not feeling overly grateful about anything.

But, because Julie and I have been practicing teasing out positives, I was only annoyed for about thirty seconds.  Then my brain helpfully supplied this: At least you're not one of those fish.  It happened fast.  I didn't have to dig deep for it.  It just showed up and made me feel a little better.  

Years ago, I attended a presentation by an author who had written about children with challenging behavior.  He said (and I'm paraphrasing) that we need to practice coping skills with children when they are calm.  If we try to employ these skills when kids are already upset, they just "vapor lock".  It's useless.  But if we can practice while they are not in distress, when behavior does escalate, they can access the coping mechanisms they need like accessing muscle memory.   It's true for adults too.

So, look at that.  Practice finding your positives, even on days when you are crying in your car.  Then when coffee is disappointing or non-existent, you can at least be grateful to not be one of those fish!