Embracing the Kraken
Lately, I've been in a funk. I feel like I'm struggling in every part of my life. There are mundane things to deal with like car repairs (They may be mundane but there have been an awful lot of them lately!).There are random things to deal with like a tax audit from 2015. There are WTF things and just plain annoying things. Some important relationships feel like they're foundering. The future, which has always been uncertain, seems particularly so right now. It might be Mercury Retrograde but I don't think that fully accounts for my sense of anxious helplessness and impatience. Everything just feels off somehow. Everything.
Anyway, as my friend so eloquently put it, "there is no surrender. Fall back. Regroup. Pat a cat, then back into the breach." To that end, I've been looking for wisdom from within. I've been trying to access my higher self. I don't want to talk to the impatient five-year-old me, who stomps her foot and says, "I hate this!" No, I need my inner Merlin. Calm. Wise. Courageous. At least, I hope she is because the self-help books just aren't doing it.
I bought a journal which is full of random questions, designed to help you get to know yourself better. I usually have a pretty good handle on me, but heck, if answering random questions gets me closer to figuring out how not to be a hot mess, then that would be awesome.
The first question I looked at asked "What is on your horizon and how far from shore are you right now?" The very first question. I burst into tears. OMG. I have no idea whatsoever what is on my horizon (although I have some very scary suspicions. More on those at another time) and I am farther from the shore than I have ever been. My little ship may just sail right off the edge of the world and I will be eaten by the kraken.
The kraken, for the uninformed, is a mythological sea creature which was probably just a giant squid. The myth may have originated in Norway or Iceland. Giant squids apparently sometimes mistake small ships for whales and try to eat them, so the legend does have some basis in fact.
I am normally a positive person. But I have also come to know that sometimes positivity just doesn't do it for you. Sometimes you need to lean into the suck. You need to embrace the kraken, Breathe in the uncertainty. Hold space for the fact that you don't know how the story ends. Release your expectations. Understand that taxes and tires and finances and relationships sometimes spiral out of your control. Realize that the things we can control are seriously outweighed by the things we can't. Stop wishing things were different and be present, even if the present makes you want to bash your head into the wall. Respect the process. And breathe again. And just be. Embrace the kraken.
So, I'm going to try not to run away (although I'd like to). I'm going to look the kraken in the eye, give him a big hug and ask him to take his best shot. (I bet he's a good hugger anyway...)
Anyway, as my friend so eloquently put it, "there is no surrender. Fall back. Regroup. Pat a cat, then back into the breach." To that end, I've been looking for wisdom from within. I've been trying to access my higher self. I don't want to talk to the impatient five-year-old me, who stomps her foot and says, "I hate this!" No, I need my inner Merlin. Calm. Wise. Courageous. At least, I hope she is because the self-help books just aren't doing it.
I bought a journal which is full of random questions, designed to help you get to know yourself better. I usually have a pretty good handle on me, but heck, if answering random questions gets me closer to figuring out how not to be a hot mess, then that would be awesome.
The first question I looked at asked "What is on your horizon and how far from shore are you right now?" The very first question. I burst into tears. OMG. I have no idea whatsoever what is on my horizon (although I have some very scary suspicions. More on those at another time) and I am farther from the shore than I have ever been. My little ship may just sail right off the edge of the world and I will be eaten by the kraken.
The kraken, for the uninformed, is a mythological sea creature which was probably just a giant squid. The myth may have originated in Norway or Iceland. Giant squids apparently sometimes mistake small ships for whales and try to eat them, so the legend does have some basis in fact.
I am normally a positive person. But I have also come to know that sometimes positivity just doesn't do it for you. Sometimes you need to lean into the suck. You need to embrace the kraken, Breathe in the uncertainty. Hold space for the fact that you don't know how the story ends. Release your expectations. Understand that taxes and tires and finances and relationships sometimes spiral out of your control. Realize that the things we can control are seriously outweighed by the things we can't. Stop wishing things were different and be present, even if the present makes you want to bash your head into the wall. Respect the process. And breathe again. And just be. Embrace the kraken.
So, I'm going to try not to run away (although I'd like to). I'm going to look the kraken in the eye, give him a big hug and ask him to take his best shot. (I bet he's a good hugger anyway...)
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