Calm Down, Little Freaky Dude
Mea culpa, my friends. This is the first Forces of Chaos post in a long time. This is not because I have no chaos in my life. Au contraire, dear reader, I have so much chaos, I'm not even sure how to wrap my brain around it sometimes. The details are unimportant at this juncture. Suffice to say some of the chaos I have set into motion myself. Some of it is just life being life and coming at me like a freight train. Some is a healthy combination of both. Changes are afoot and I have no idea what the future looks like. The truth is that we never really know what the future looks like but admitting that we don't, can be both scary and liberating.
I once saw a bumper sticker which said "Sometimes I Wrestle My Demons. Other Times We Just Cuddle." It cracked me up. Lately, I've been feeling anxious and antsy and off kilter. This morning I woke up and thought of that bumper sticker. That thought led to this thought, which is that everybody has to tackle those demons in their own way and on their own timeline. Everybody has stuff to deal with and it's different for all of us. You and I could both be depressed or battling addiction but my depression won't look like yours. Your addiction won't look like mine. Sometimes you need to go into battle. Other times, you need to roll over and surrender. Somehow, this thought was comforting.
You don't get to chose a champion for these battles. You can't do them by proxy. You have to deal with your stuff, whatever it is, in whatever way which makes sense for you. The stuff we don't deal with will eventually come back and bite us in the ass. You don't get to abdicate. While I don't think I've ever tried to get someone else to wrestle my demons, I'm absolutely guilty of trying to take on other people's for them. Can't do it. It's not the way it works.
My youngest son took my mom and I out for a belated Mother's Day lunch yesterday. It was nice. My mom reminded him, that one time, he told his cousin or his brother (she couldn't remember which and it doesn't matter) to "calm down, little freaky dude." Knowing my oldest son and my nephew, I doubt that this statement would have helped either of them actually calm down but that's besides the point. My mom said it made her really laugh and that she's been drawing "little freaky dudes" in her journals ever since.
It occurred to me that maybe, I will draw some little freaky dudes too. Or demons. Or whatever label it is you'd like to apply to the stuff that we all have to deal with. One will be anxiety. Another uncertainty. There's one named jealousy who I have locked in a cellar. There's a small, hyper one who's just called "But". She jumps up and down insistently, trying to get my attention, determined to tell me how things could go wrong. It doesn't matter what we call these feelings. It doesn't matter that I can't really draw and if I do draw them they will no doubt look funny. Maybe they should. The point is I will be acknowledging them.
We willingly embrace those parts of us which make us proud. We love the parts which we think others will approve of and the parts which we think will gain us esteem. It's harder to throw your arms around the more cringe worthy stuff. But they all clamor for a place at the table and I'm pretty sure you don't figure stuff out unless you embrace the big picture. And those demons or little freaky dudes don't make us bad people. They don't make us less worthy or deserving of love or happiness. They just make us human, so calm down, little freaky dude.
I once saw a bumper sticker which said "Sometimes I Wrestle My Demons. Other Times We Just Cuddle." It cracked me up. Lately, I've been feeling anxious and antsy and off kilter. This morning I woke up and thought of that bumper sticker. That thought led to this thought, which is that everybody has to tackle those demons in their own way and on their own timeline. Everybody has stuff to deal with and it's different for all of us. You and I could both be depressed or battling addiction but my depression won't look like yours. Your addiction won't look like mine. Sometimes you need to go into battle. Other times, you need to roll over and surrender. Somehow, this thought was comforting.
You don't get to chose a champion for these battles. You can't do them by proxy. You have to deal with your stuff, whatever it is, in whatever way which makes sense for you. The stuff we don't deal with will eventually come back and bite us in the ass. You don't get to abdicate. While I don't think I've ever tried to get someone else to wrestle my demons, I'm absolutely guilty of trying to take on other people's for them. Can't do it. It's not the way it works.
My youngest son took my mom and I out for a belated Mother's Day lunch yesterday. It was nice. My mom reminded him, that one time, he told his cousin or his brother (she couldn't remember which and it doesn't matter) to "calm down, little freaky dude." Knowing my oldest son and my nephew, I doubt that this statement would have helped either of them actually calm down but that's besides the point. My mom said it made her really laugh and that she's been drawing "little freaky dudes" in her journals ever since.
It occurred to me that maybe, I will draw some little freaky dudes too. Or demons. Or whatever label it is you'd like to apply to the stuff that we all have to deal with. One will be anxiety. Another uncertainty. There's one named jealousy who I have locked in a cellar. There's a small, hyper one who's just called "But". She jumps up and down insistently, trying to get my attention, determined to tell me how things could go wrong. It doesn't matter what we call these feelings. It doesn't matter that I can't really draw and if I do draw them they will no doubt look funny. Maybe they should. The point is I will be acknowledging them.
We willingly embrace those parts of us which make us proud. We love the parts which we think others will approve of and the parts which we think will gain us esteem. It's harder to throw your arms around the more cringe worthy stuff. But they all clamor for a place at the table and I'm pretty sure you don't figure stuff out unless you embrace the big picture. And those demons or little freaky dudes don't make us bad people. They don't make us less worthy or deserving of love or happiness. They just make us human, so calm down, little freaky dude.
Comments
Post a Comment