You Want To Do WHAT In The New Year?
So one of my goals for the new year (because goals sound way more achievable than resolutions) is to get my house clean enough so that I'm not embarrassed to have people over. Eventually, I'd like to be not embarrassed enough to host a dinner party.
For most people, this is likely no big deal. But for me, well....like a messy relationship, it's complicated (and messy). In general, I feel neither great satisfaction at a clean house nor do I feel particular distress if it's not. Dishes in the sink? So? Piles of clothes in the bedroom? Whatever. There are books to read. And to write. There are kids to hang out with and those kids are getting older all the time. There are friends to see. Dates to go on with my husband. I like all of these (and almost every other activity) better than I like housework. A root canal might be a near thing but other than dental work there's not much I wouldn't rather do than housework.
But lately, I find myself yearning for more calm. For less chaos. Even when I apply my notoriously low housekeeping standards to my house, I find it lacking and I find myself overwhelmed. Anxiety, depression, illness and unemployment are all things which my family is struggling with right now. Me, I'm just trying to be the glue that holds it all together. But I've been told by someone I trust that I am failing at self care. I believe her. She asked me if I'd ever heard of putting your oxygen mask on first. Ironically, not only have I heard it, I've actually said it to people. It's easy to give good advice. To take it oneself, maybe not so much.
Perhaps this new longing for a clean house is an attempt at helping myself so I can continue helping everyone else. I know so many people who say they can't focus if their house is messy. Yet this has never been me. Still, change can be good. Maybe it's exactly what I need.
Now, if you've known me for more than fifteen minutes, you're asking, "Who are you and what have you done with Christine?" Because everyone knows that if there's anything I hate as much as housework it's cooking. So a dinner party? Really? Because, then I'll not only have to really clean my house but I'll have to cook too.
Isn't this what "normal" people do? Most people don't have a dining room table buried under piles and piles of books, receipts, unopened mail, old magazines and God only knows what else. Having friends over for dinner may seem like no big deal but for me it would be a very big deal. There's only about eight people on the planet I'm willing to let into my house right now. I'd like to expand on that number. By a lot. Besides, dinner is an excellent reason to have people over. I can't very well say "Psst, hey, you wanna' come over? My house is finally clean!" It's hard to admit that you're lousy at something that everyone else seems to be good at. That housework provides no sense of accomplishment. Perhaps though, I can learn to come to some peace with it or maybe even through it.
This is something I can do. This is achievable goal. We have clutter and dust bunnies and dog fur. We have way too much stuff. But we're not beyond redemption yet.
For most people, this is likely no big deal. But for me, well....like a messy relationship, it's complicated (and messy). In general, I feel neither great satisfaction at a clean house nor do I feel particular distress if it's not. Dishes in the sink? So? Piles of clothes in the bedroom? Whatever. There are books to read. And to write. There are kids to hang out with and those kids are getting older all the time. There are friends to see. Dates to go on with my husband. I like all of these (and almost every other activity) better than I like housework. A root canal might be a near thing but other than dental work there's not much I wouldn't rather do than housework.
But lately, I find myself yearning for more calm. For less chaos. Even when I apply my notoriously low housekeeping standards to my house, I find it lacking and I find myself overwhelmed. Anxiety, depression, illness and unemployment are all things which my family is struggling with right now. Me, I'm just trying to be the glue that holds it all together. But I've been told by someone I trust that I am failing at self care. I believe her. She asked me if I'd ever heard of putting your oxygen mask on first. Ironically, not only have I heard it, I've actually said it to people. It's easy to give good advice. To take it oneself, maybe not so much.
Perhaps this new longing for a clean house is an attempt at helping myself so I can continue helping everyone else. I know so many people who say they can't focus if their house is messy. Yet this has never been me. Still, change can be good. Maybe it's exactly what I need.
Now, if you've known me for more than fifteen minutes, you're asking, "Who are you and what have you done with Christine?" Because everyone knows that if there's anything I hate as much as housework it's cooking. So a dinner party? Really? Because, then I'll not only have to really clean my house but I'll have to cook too.
Isn't this what "normal" people do? Most people don't have a dining room table buried under piles and piles of books, receipts, unopened mail, old magazines and God only knows what else. Having friends over for dinner may seem like no big deal but for me it would be a very big deal. There's only about eight people on the planet I'm willing to let into my house right now. I'd like to expand on that number. By a lot. Besides, dinner is an excellent reason to have people over. I can't very well say "Psst, hey, you wanna' come over? My house is finally clean!" It's hard to admit that you're lousy at something that everyone else seems to be good at. That housework provides no sense of accomplishment. Perhaps though, I can learn to come to some peace with it or maybe even through it.
This is something I can do. This is achievable goal. We have clutter and dust bunnies and dog fur. We have way too much stuff. But we're not beyond redemption yet.
Hey you! This is an achievable goal and you don't have to do it alone! Ask for help and you shall receive it! So having just gone thru a divorce, sale of home and a disaster of a move... I can honestly tell you that change can be good. Open yourself to the possibilities... I was forced to decide what we would take with us, and I honestly found myself with boxes here at the new place with random stuff in it, and stuff I left behind that I sort of still want. What I have learned - you can live with a lot less stuff than you once had, and there is actually a more relaxed feel about not having to deal with all the stuff that is no longer with you. And I am just talking about physical stuff not the emotional stuff. Now as for the emotional stuff, some of it was tied to the physical stuff that was left behind... amazing to realize and amazing to no longer feel burdened by it all. I guess the best advice I can offer is: pretend you had to move out... keep the things that you absolutely would want to take with you... and let the rest go... and I mean go, like immediately out! Take it in baby steps, one small area at a time... and make sure that your family knows that if they want it they should save it - you have permission from me to get rid of stuff that technically is not specifically yours! Literally, once small area, one small trash bag... HUGE results! without being overwhelmed! Love you!
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